A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when she found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in her hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
When you take a long time, you`re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he`s thorough.
When you don`t do it, you`re lazy.
When your boss doesn`t do it, he`s too busy.
When you make a mistake, you`re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he`s only human.
When doing something without being told, you`re overstepping your authority When your boss does the same thing, that`s initiative.
When you take a stand, you`re being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he`s being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you`re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he`s being original.
When you please your boss, you`re arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he`s being co-operative.
When you`re out of the office, you`re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he`s on business.
When you`re on a day off sick, you`re always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it`s because he`s overworked.
After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student, “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor, “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student, “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an ‘A’ for the exam.”
Professor, “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an ‘A’, as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers, “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an ‘A’, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line.
He says, "OK, now what?"
There’s a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
The driver rolls down the window.
The driver is a squirrel.
The squirrel says to the man, "See, it’s not as easy as it looks, is it?"